At its core, business is about people. We often forget this maxim in our money-obsessed culture, where many players care more about “getting rich” than creating value.
Once someone gets burned by someone chasing dollar bills, they raise their guard. Subsequent suitors, most of whom have benign intentions, get shunned in the process.
This sad fact of life makes it hard for honest actors like yourself. Business publications tell us that networking is everything. However, when the time comes to reach out, it can be extraordinarily challenging.
And yet, life goes on. Every day, business people in a variety of industries exchange knowledge and forge partnerships. To join them, you’ll need to learn how to earn the trust of others. In this blog, we’ll share a few tips that will make it easier for others to open up.
Offer Something Of Value (Without Expecting Anything In Return)
For every producer, there are many consumers. For every giver, plenty more seek to take. Consequently, the average entrepreneur has to fend off countless approaches by so-called “wantrepreneurs.”
These are people that want to taste the fruits of business success without working hard for them. So, they hit up businesspeople for advice, seeking that silver bullet solution that will open the floodgates of wealth.
Those naive enough to fall for it waste fifteen minutes to an hour of their time. If they’re lucky, they might get a free coffee or a muffin out of it. After getting burned like this once or twice, it can be tough to get these folks to open up.
Rather than plumb people in your field for free/cheap advice, offer them value. Are you a skilled photographer? If their business/headshot photography isn’t the best, offer them your services at an unbeatable discount. Have in-depth knowledge in a related field? Offer them a preliminary consultation free of charge.
Once you’ve consummated an exchange of value, they’ll be far more open. If you just improved your contact’s operation, they’ll be far more likely to help you get what YOU want.
Give Them Your Full Attention
Our society lionizes philanthropy, and for good reason – there are a lot of needy people out there. However, we tend to forget a fundamental fact about human nature – we are inherently self-centered. After all, if we were all inherently selfless, would homelessness, hunger, or loneliness exist? Unlikely.
We bring this up not to shame you or society in general. Rather, when you enter into ANY interaction with anyone, making it ALL about THEM ultimately benefits YOU. The average human has a strong desire to be respected and loved by their peers. By paying proper attention to them, you are affording them that respect.
Do this, first and foremost, by shutting out distractions – silence your phone or shut it off. Then, adopt affirming body language. Have an open stance, with open hands/arms and your feet pointing towards them. Smile. Nod when they make interesting points. Listen actively so you can respond substantively, NOT reactively. Ask related questions, but don’t probe too deeply.
All this serves to validate, in their mind, that you view them as an EXPERT. As a result, in future interactions, you’ll be able to have far more OPEN and VALUABLE conversations.
Find Interest Areas You And Your Contact Have In Common
For decades, the media has perpetuated a lie that has made it harder for us to make meaningful connections. That falsehood? Opposites attract. Around the 19th century, it began in fiction writing as a convenient plot device.
Two solitudes, each with glaringly opposing attributes, somehow end up in love. Tales like Beauty and the Beast illustrate this perfectly. By and large, this cultural conditioning has worked: 80% of us believe that opposites attract.
It’s a myth. Instead, we seek out tribes – people that are, more or less, like ourselves. When we link up with people who love the things we value most, fast friends are made.
But how does this help you in business? After all, we often have to work with people regardless of their interests. Fortunately, we’re NOT dating here – by finding 1-2 areas where common ground exists, you can quickly build rapport. Rapport = more open conversations. Mission accomplished.
Dress To The Occasion
In a perfect world, we wouldn’t judge a book by its cover. Alas, the reality is quite different – our brains, crafted through eons of evolution, are wired to evaluate “threats.”
Let’s be clear – the type of risk faced in business isn’t mortal. In other words, a saber-toothed tiger isn’t going to ambush you on the way to the open bar. However, how you dress does indicate to others whether you are an asset or a liability.
Dress professionally, but don’t overdo it. Show up dressed like Mark Zuckerberg at a finance event, and attendees will typecast you as a broke rube. Show up to a tech mixer looking like a banker, and your appearance will scream, “try hard.”
Remember: Like attracts like. Learn how people typically dress at specific events, and they’ll treat you as a fellow tribe member.
Be Careful With Alcohol
As you seek out connections in your field, you’ll inevitably cross paths with the open bar. Expect this situation, as drinks have been helping people loosen up since the days of Mesopotamia. With inhibitions suspended, getting peers to open up becomes FAR less complicated.
However, this can work AGAINST you if you aren’t careful. Getting drunk in front of prospects can give off an unprofessional vibe, which makes people CLOSE up.
Also, if your prospects drink too much, it can be hard to make a meaningful connection. If they don’t remember your meeting the next morning, did it even happen?
And remember: It’s okay NOT to drink. If your contact offers you one, decline the invitation respectfully and confidently. A simple “Sorry, I don’t drink” will suffice. If they insist, give them a chance to order you something non-alcoholic. Underneath it all, your contact just wants to provide value – provide them that opportunity.
Still Nervous? Keep This Bit Of Advice In Mind.
Meeting people can be terrifying, especially if you’re an introvert. In this piece, we’ve given you a soft skills “tool kit” that will help improve your networking game. But, if you need a quick TL;DR, this quote from Alon Rajic on USA Today works well:
Smile often and make a conscious effort to be comfortable and relaxed. Try to relate to the person in front of you without sounding phony or pretentious. Find common ground or mutual interest, but not in a textbook way. For example, not everyone likes sports, and most people aren’t interested in seeing your family photos. Leave your phone in your pocket so you can focus entirely on the moment, and don’t take calls unless it’s a personal emergency. Don’t overdress to impress either. You can look nice without appearing like you spent hours preparing. While alcohol helps people open up, it has to be under the right circumstances. If you’re meeting in a bar, find a cool spot with unique surroundings — not a hotel bar. Finally, don’t interrogate the other person. Remember, it’s OK to have a few moments of silence.
Alon Rajic
Breathe. Smile. Enjoy the encounter. Instead of cowering in the corner, you’re living life. Now, get out there and change the world!