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Some time ago I rented a therapy book by Stacey Freedenthal so I could help a close friend through some very serious life problems. Midway through, I was definitely surprised to find a very useful self-help lesson about problem solving that I’ve talked about before.
Life is inevitably full of problems that we cannot ignore, but sometimes they can get too much for us to handle. When times get really tough, our minds can get stuck on some drastic solutions (like crime or suicide), and when our minds get stuck we not only forget the horrible consequences, we also won’t be able to think about all the other BETTER solutions out there.
If you ever feel stuck in life and all hope seems lost, then here’s a problem solving strategy that you use when facing tough times.
A Problem Solving Strategy for When You’re Feeling Stuck in Life
Step 1: Identify the problem.
The very first thing you need to do is identify what the problem is. For example, if you’re unhappy for some reason, find out what’s causing it. Is it because of stress from work? A toxic friend or family member? Is it because you feel like your life lacks progress or direction? You need to know what the problem is exactly (and there can be many causes) before you can start thinking of ways to solve it.
Step 2: Brainstorm possible solutions.
After identifying the problem, the next step is brainstorming as many possible solutions you can think about. Stacey Freedenthal, the therapist and author of that book I mentioned, taught that for this step “quantity leads to quality”. By thinking up a lot of possible solutions, you’ll eventually find the best ones.
Take note that you can list down even the “bad” or impractical choices when brainstorming even if you don’t ever plan to do them. The important part for now is realizing that you DO have choices and that you’re not really stuck. There are options out there (like flipping burgers in fast food) that you can try even when worse comes to worst.
Spend some time on this step and list down as many solutions as you can possibly think of. You can even ask your trusted friends and family members for help as brainstorming works better when there are more people out there tossing ideas.
Step 3: Evaluate the advantages and disadvantages of each possible solution.
Once you’ve made a list of options, you should now try listing each of their advantages and disadvantages. What would you gain if you succeed? What would you have to give up to try it? What would you lose if you fail? Will it help other people? Will it hurt some? Is it easy enough to do? Is it difficult but worth the risk? Would this solution need a lot of time, money, or effort? Would you need some special training or can you just learn how to do it online? Those are just a few examples of the things you need to think about.
Step 4: Choose what seems like the “best” option.
After you’ve thought about the advantages and disadvantages of each possible solution, it’s time to choose one. Which one is the “best” solution that you can do for your problem? Which one is the most practical? The easiest? Safest? Which one won’t hurt or harm you, or land you in jail? Which one gives the best rewards and is well worth the risk and effort?
Step 5: Try it out. Think of it as an “experiment”.
Obviously, nothing’s gonna happen if you do nothing. After you’ve chosen a solution that you want to try out, the next thing to do is… to actually try it out! You don’t have to rush in all at once and you can even do it a small step at a time if necessary. Freedenthal said that you should think of this step as just an experiment. You’re supposed to look at it as data to see what works and what doesn’t.
Step 6: Evaluate the results. Continue if it works, try something else if it doesn’t.
After a while, you have to check if your solution is working. Is it actually fixing the problem, even just a little? If it is, keep going! If it’s not working, find out why and adjust. Does that solution just need more time and effort? Did you just try it at the wrong time or place and it will work better somewhere else? Maybe it’s time to try another solution.
One of the most important things to remember is that if your chosen solution doesn’t work, that doesn’t mean that you are a failure. It just means that the solution you tried did not work at the time and place that you tried it.
Again, keep the mindset that this is just an experiment to see what works and what doesn’t. If the first thing you tried fails, move on to the next best solution on your list and try that. Keep repeating this process and, eventually, you very likely will solve your problem. In fact, there’s a pretty good chance that you’ll find an even better solution that you haven’t thought about before.
Bonus tip: Remember that learning to accept the problem IS a solution. There are some things in life that we can’t change. For example, people grow old and die. You can list down “reviving the dead” and “cloning” as solutions… but sometimes you just have to accept it and let go. Learning some positive coping strategies and looking for emotional support are great additional solutions as well.
Here’s one more lesson…
Life is, inevitably, full of problems and heartaches. Even then, here’s one very important lesson from T. Harv Eker, the author of Secrets of the Millionaire Mind: Mastering the Inner Game of Wealth that you should remember if you want your life to get better:
“The secret to success is not to try to avoid or get rid of or shrink from your problems; the secret is to grow yourself so that you are bigger than any problem.”
T. Harv Eker, Secrets of the Millionaire Mind
Think about it this way. Toddlers tend to trip and fall a lot, and when they do, they throw a tantrum and cry. Tripping, to them, is a HUGE problem that seems impossible to solve, so they just give up and cry like it’s the end of the world. As they grow older though, when they do trip they learn to just get up and brush it off.
That’s just how people are. We grow. When we’re young, helpless and inexperienced, a lot of things are legitimately huge problems for us. As we grow older and wiser, we outgrow most problems.
Think about this. Getting thirsty is a problem, and we solve it by getting a glass of water or something to drink. Getting hungry is a problem, and we solve it by ordering food or learning how to cook. Those things ARE problems, but we grew enough that they become trivial inconveniences at best.
Eventually, when we work on our knowledge, skills, and mental and emotional states to grow even more as a person, we’ll be able to solve even the toughest problems in life as easily as getting up after tripping on a pebble. That includes tougher and more serious problems like finding a new source of income after losing our jobs, to being mature enough to grieve and let go when a loved one dies.
We shouldn’t wish for easier problems. We should instead work on ourselves so we grow strong enough to solve life’s toughest problems.
I hope you found this article insightful and useful. Do you have any tips that will inspire people who are facing serious problems in life? Tell us in the comments below!
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