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So I bought a new book called Negotiating 101 by Peter Sander and it contained a lots of tips about basic negotiation. When I read it, I was surprised at how much he emphasized the concept of “win-win”. We talked about this in another article about negotiation and how I first read about it in Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People book.
What IS this thing called “win-win” anyway? Let’s discuss a bit more about it here.
Negotiation Basics : What is “Win-Win”?
Peter Sander noticed that when people talk about “negotiation”, most of us think of international politics, business deals, and other high-stakes situations. Negotiation, however, is more than just those. It consists just about ANY deal we do, from making kids do chores and homework, buying meat and produce from the local market, and more.
So what about the thing called “win-win” and why is it an important tip in among the basics of negotiation? Let’s discuss the OTHER kinds of deals or negotiations according to Stephen Covey in his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
Win-Lose
The first word is your state and the second word is the other person/group’s state. Win-Lose means you try to win while the other person must lose.
This is what MOST people think they should do whenever they negotiate. They think they should harass and bully others and make sure that the other party, the people they’re negotiating against, LOSE and go home crying. It’s like haggling down and harassing a poor grocer until they sell at a loss.
While this “win-lose” style might feel nice, you end up as the BIGGER loser in the long run. Think about how much you like talking to and doing business with abusive cheats. It’s not pleasant, is it? That’s especially true if there are better and nicer people out there that you can interact and do business with.
If you have tendency to try to “win one over” on others in every interaction or negotiation, watch out! You’re likely driving away your good clients, customers, friends and family.
Lose-Win
When people first start hearing about the term “win-win”, they think they should act “nicer” and give more concessions and advantages to others. Unfortunately, intentionally losing to “be nice” and give more to others is NOT win-win. It’s actually LOSE-win. Aside from “losing” in those transactions, you eventually train people to be abusive and unfair whenever they deal with you, and that also leads to greater losses in the long run.
Don’t go for “lose-win” to be “nice”. Find a solution or situation where you can ALL benefit.
Lose-Lose
This is, in a way, the worst kind of deal. WHY would someone intentionally want all sides, including themselves, to lose? Well, this kind of deal happens when people get so mad at each other that they try to hurt others even if they get hurt or endanger themselves. Just imagine negotiations that turn into heated arguments where both sides fight and get injured or get punished for what they do.
Win-Win
This is the kind of deal or result that we should aim for. It’s the kind where everyone benefits and walks away happy. Think about buying lunch at a food stall. Buy good food that’s reasonably priced, and you both benefit. You get good food, the food seller earns money for their work. Think about treating your children to a movie as a way to convince them to do their chores and homework. You teach them to be responsible with housework and studies, and they get to watch a movie they like.
That’s how fair deals work, and what most basic negotiations should be like. Concentrate and go for business deals, favors and other personal interactions where everyone ends up happy.
Life is a lot of give and take, so be fair with everyone, especially if they’re fair with you.
Now, what about those who are NOT willing to be fair? Those who intend to make you lose? There’s one more tip in the list of negotiation basics: Learn to WALK AWAY.
No Deal – Just Walk Away.
This should always be one of your options and it’s another basic negotiation technique. Whenever you come across a harmful situation or negotiation, you must learn to walk away. There will be other transactions and opportunities that are better for you and the other party anyway.
What’s an example of a deal that you should walk away from? Imagine that someone has several tons of copper, lead, and other industrial metals stored up and they want to sell it all to you for several thousands of dollars. What do you do if you’re neither interested nor do you have money for it? Simple. Just walk away.
You then avoid losing time and money negotiating for something you do not want, and that metal seller also becomes free to negotiate and transact with others, like electronics companies or construction companies who DO have important uses for those.
“No deal” is also one of the best ways to deal with salespeople and swindlers who try to pressure you into buying things you don’t need. Even though you can get those things at fair or discounted prices, if you don’t even need or want to use them, you still end up losing money that you COULD have spent on something more important.
There’s a saying, “no man is an island”. We always “negotiate” with others, whether we know it for not. Whether it’s for high-stakes business deals, buying stuff, or asking someone to let you use an unoccupied seat, we’ll always need to interact with other people. We must always aim for win-win and be fair, even if others aren’t (walk away from those harmful deals), and even if luck and circumstance aren’t fair either.