Thought Habits Matter: Will You be a “Victim” or a “Victor”?

Tagalog Version (Click Here)

One major fact of life that people take for granted is that our thoughts determine our future. Remember, we act on our thoughts and impulses, and our actions can lead to either good or bad consequences. For example, if you seriously start thinking of stealing an expensive cellphone or gadget, you’d go to jail and ruin your future. If, on the other hand, you think of things like starting a business or improving your career, then you might actually become more successful when you act on those things you think about.

Note: Before we continue, I have to make this clear. In this article, being a “victim” isn’t about actual victims of emotional, physical, or sexual abuse. This article is about the negative mindset of always making excuses, giving up, and quitting when faced with life’s challenges. Being a “victor” on the other hand is about that positive mindset where you persevere through hardships and keep looking for solutions until you succeed.

There’s a difference between having a “victim” mentality and having a “victor” mentality. Do you know the kind of mindset that you have?

Thought Habits Matter: Are you a “Victim” or a “Victor”?

Negative vs. positive self-talk

Henry Ford famously said “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right.” If you discourage yourself before any major task, then you’re setting yourself up to fail. Imagine that you somehow thought about running a marathon because a story on TV or on the internet inspired you. If you tell yourself “nah, I can’t do it, it’s too hard”, then you’ve already failed. You won’t even go outside to try running and you’ll probably just watch TV or waste your time on the internet.

If, on the other hand, you tell yourself something like “that seems amazing, maybe I can try it”, then you might actually try it for real. You might try jogging outside every weekend and later on, every morning. If you really really want to finish a marathon, you might actually train hard for your first official event and try to complete the entire 42.2 kilometers. Even if you fail the first time, you’ll continue training until your body becomes strong enough to actually finish that marathon. 

You’ll achieve success in that goal because you first thought that you could do it, and you actually did something about it.

How do you talk to yourself when you think of things you want to do? Are you your own best coach, or are you your own worst critic?

Focusing on the negatives vs. focusing on the positives

Just like exercising every morning or brushing your teeth, thoughts become habits as well. The more you think about topics like office politics, celebrity gossip or money problems, then that’s what will fill your mind every day.

Unfortunately, there’s a limit to what we can fit in our thoughts during the few waking hours we get each day. If we keep focusing on the negative things in life, then we won’t have room for the positives. Things like improving our relationships, working on our life’s goals, finding the solutions to our problems, improving ourselves to prevent future problems, and more. 

Remember that tip from the Bible (Philippians 4:8): “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.” 

Concentrate on all the good in your life, and those are what you’ll get: Blessings and opportunities.

Resenting facts vs. accepting limitations

Unfortunately for me, I’m rather short at 5’3” (1.6 meters), I’m not that strong or smart, and I’m definitely not as handsome as guys like Chris Evans or Ryan Reynolds. I’m also not a millionaire right now either.

Let’s face it, none of us are born perfect and we’re likely not the best looking, smartest, or richest people in the universe. Here’s the thing. Should we let those facts stop us? Should we concentrate on the things we can’t change and use them to make excuses for all our other failings? No.

There may be things we can’t change… but there’s actually a lot that we CAN change, like our thoughts and actions. Our physical limitations definitely cause problems and stop us from accomplishing certain things, but our thoughts, words and actions affect the rest of our lives FAR more than what we look like and what we are physically able to do.

Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start.

— Nido Qubein

Blaming circumstances vs. taking responsibility

Very few of us are born into the best circumstances with rich and caring parents, good friends and loving family members, and great opportunities. Most of us just have ordinary parents, ordinary jobs, and ordinary lives with all the usual problems that life throws at us. Problems that could be solved if only we had more money, more supportive friends and family, and better opportunities. 

It’s incredibly easy to just blame our problems and circumstances for why we aren’t getting ahead. It’s easy to do what we were told to do and continue the things we’ve always done and get what we’ve always gotten.

There are, however, things we CAN do differently. We shouldn’t be bound by our past. We have to start taking responsibility for ourselves instead of blaming our parents or past experiences for our current problems.

Moping around vs. attempting to change or improve

It’s a good thing to ask for help when you need it, but it’s another to ask for sympathy just to feel better about yourself and your problems. Unsuccessful people love complaining about their poor health, their money problems, bad relationships and more, and there will always be other unsuccessful people who will listen and complain with them.

Unfortunately, people who ONLY mope around and complain get nothing done. Our problems will stay (and sometimes get worse) unless we actually try to change things. We’ll have poor health unless we exercise more and eat healthier food, we’ll have money problems unless we work on our careers or business and fix our bad financial habits, and we’ll have bad relationships unless we avoid toxic people and look for more supportive people in our lives. The world around us won’t change for the better either if we keep supporting lying strongman politicians and demagogues.

It’s ok to feel sad. Everyone has problems, but if we simply complain and do nothing, however, then nothing will change or improve and we’ll continue suffering.

Complaining vs. committing to act

The more time you waste whining and complaining and the more you focus your thoughts on the things you hate, the less you appreciate the blessings and opportunities you have. Whenever you find something to complain about, try thinking of what you can actually do about it.

If you can’t change it, then think of what you can do to make use of it. Many inventions and businesses were born because of things we can’t do. Humans can’t fly? People built airplanes. Humans can’t talk to other people far away? People build phones.

For other things we can’t change, we can always just ignore it. After all, none of us complain about gravity making things fall to the ground. We just live with that fact.

On a side note, beware of chronic complainers. They can take away your focus and drag you down with them. The more you listen to them complain, the more you become an enabler of their problems and mediocrity. You’re not helping them. You’re just making things worse.

Hanging out with complainers vs. working with other successes

Jim Rohn once told people that “we are the average of the five people we hang out with the most”. While that varies for most of us, the friends and family we spend the most time with DO influence our thoughts and behaviors the most.

Hang out with drunkards a lot, we become drunkards too. Hang out with fitness buffs and we might get inspired to get fit too. If we hang out with people who discourage us when we want to do great things like change careers, start a business, become healthier, etc., then we’ll be stuck in a rut like crabs in a bucket. On the other hand, if we hang out with people who encourage us to do great things (because THEY do great things themselves), then we’ll likely rise to success alongside them.

Choose your friends wisely, and minimize your time with friends and family who pull you down. Your future depends on it.

---

All in all, your thoughts are probably the most important things in your life.

Your thought patterns and habits affect not just how you respond to the problems that you encounter in life, but how you plan your future. Everything has consequences, and as you continue with those thought habits the consequences all add up over your lifetime. Whether you’ll get mostly good consequences or bad, that is all up to you.

You must remember to choose and control your thoughts. In that way, you can choose and control your future.